Earlier this week, I had an interesting conversation with someone that has continued to haunt me (in a good way). I was made aware of how Moses acted out the role of redeemer/deliverer before he was called to redeem Israel. First, he redeemed a Hebrew slave from an Egyptian man attacking him (Exodus 2:11-12). Then, in just a few verses, he redeemed women from shepherds at the well (Exodus 2:16-17). It’s as if redemption was a part of who he was made to be and he couldn’t help but act out that role before he even knew what God called him to do.
This has haunted me because I’ve been trying to figure out who God has made me to be. Hearing this story is helping me to think through who I have always been; the role that I have played. What has made the most sense to me is that God has made me to be a catalyst. I love coming alongside of people and helping them to grow into who they are made to be. This also helps me to understand why this season has been so hard for me on a personal level. A catalyst doesn’t do much on its own; it shines when it connects with other chemicals. To use another chemistry term, I’ve felt inert.
Like Moses saw, it isn’t always a good thing to act out your role in the wrong ways. Catalyst is a nice way to describe my role. You could also say I rock the boat. My brother has long since described me as a person who stirs things up (in not so pleasant terms). And people do not often like to have their boats rocked nor their *ahem* stuff stirred up.
My prayer has since been twofold. First, I pray that God would show me the right places to play this role. I know God made me this way for a reason, so I want to be faithful.
Second, I pray that God would give me the courage to be a catalyst when he calls me to be a catalyst. It’s scary to think that I might have something unpopular to say and the consequences of saying it. It helps I realized in talking with my coach today, that success is not about the outcome, but only in my obedience to God. I am accountable for everything on my end: my attitude, my words, my actions, but I can’t change people’s hearts. God doesn’t even ask me to do that; that’s his realm.
Now I’m intensely curious as to what roles people around me act out that they haven’t realized. I’m sure that’s the catalyst in me dying to get to work!