I’ve started doing a SOAP journal [scripture, observation, application, prayer] for my Bible reading again. The past few months, I feel like I’ve grown tremendously through the practice. After today’s reading, I really wanted to share what I wrote.

When God first called Moses to lead His people and confront Pharaoh, his immediate response was self-doubt: “Who am I? What if they don’t listen? I can’t speak!” God gave Moses a right-hand man and Moses went…but it only made things worse for God’s people. So they cursed Moses. When God called Moses to speak to Pharaoh again, Moses said:

“But Lord!” Moses objected. “My own people won’t listen to me anymore. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen? I’m such a clumsy speaker! Exodus 6:12

There it is again, “I can’t.” Moses’ objections seem so silly in light of the fact that God is directly speaking to him. I imagine God thinking, “Really?” Moses goes on to speak to Pharaoh…and fails again. The Pharaoh is unmoved; God’s people remain in slavery. So it seems that Moses’ fears were correct. He really can’t speak. He really can’t get anyone to listen to him. Moses really does fail several times from a human perspective, but that doesn’t change the fact that God has called him to go to Pharaoh and speak on behalf of God’s people.

God has called me to be a parent. I don’t feel equipped. I don’t feel like the kind of person who would/should be a stay-at-home mom, but here I am. I feel like there are a million things I could do better as a parent on any given day and I wonder if God has chosen the wrong person for this role. He didn’t. I need to persist in what He’s called me to do even when human standards tell me I’m failing.

God, help me to embrace my calling. Even though I love my son more than I could express, I get distracted. I am not the mom that I think I should be. Help me to embrace & live in the reality that you’ve brought me to this place. Help me to see that you’re here. Even when all evidence points to the fact that my fears are right, give me the courage to keep going so that I may see you & your glorious plan. Amen.

I pray for you, too, that you would embrace your calling and keep going, even when you’re sure someone could do it better. May you see God work in and through you today.