Last year, my church read a book together called Not A Fan, which called us to move beyond being a fan of Jesus to following him with our whole lives. I had my issues with the book; nevertheless, I took the message seriously and prayerfully considered what it meant for me to follow Jesus.

It ruined my life, in the best way possible.

First, as I mentioned several posts back, I felt like God was calling me to embrace the humble, behind-the-scenes life of being a mom. I stepped down from my ministry position. Second, as I’ve shared with very few people until today, I felt called to change the way I was eating and get healthier.

I heard someone say recently, “Whatever you have to have, has you.” That described me perfectly. I wasn’t just a little unhealthy, food was my comfort, entertainment, and obsession. If I was going to live a life wholeheartedly following God, I would have to put food in its proper place. In what can only be described as the worst timing ever (from a human perspective), I began an expensive, doctor-supervised weight loss program the week after I stepped down from my job.

For the past 15 weeks, I’ve had a very limited diet and have lost over 20% of my original body weight. Yesterday, I began phase 2. Instead of eating only a small number of foods, I now can choose what I want to eat for one meal a day. Of course, I need to choose healthy foods if I’m going to continue my journey to being healthy and free.

I’ve been prepping for this shift, so I know everything I need to know. I carefully selected which foods I was going to eat in advance and had them prepped. It was still very difficult. In fact, day 106 was harder than day 1 for me. I just wanted to go right back to where I was before I began, as if everything I’ve done and learned meant nothing.

I asked myself, “Why?” and it occurred to me that I’ve lost sight of that very question. People have paid me many compliments, but no one has asked me why I’m doing this. I wanted someone to ask all along, since it’s the most important part of all of this. Over time, I, too, stopped reminding myself of the “Why?”. I started focusing on the obvious results instead. It’s nice to look better. It’s fun to shop. I like more energy. Who doesn’t like compliments? As I found yesterday, none of those things will keep me doing the right thing when no one is watching.

So here I am, day 107 and day 1, telling the truth that no one’s asked for because I need to tell it to myself. I’m doing this because God called me to this life. I’m doing this to be the leader, mom, & person that can say with integrity, “Follow me as I follow Jesus.”

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2a

Day 107: I’m running my race and keeping my eyes on Him today.