There are some days that are harder than others to be in ministry. Some days, the words I say don’t come out the way I mean for them to. Some days, the words that should not come out of me come flooding out. On days such as these, I’m tempted to pack it in, to quit opening my mouth for good (as if I had the self-control for that anyway). I’m tempted to give up on God ever being able to work in me or speak through me.
Moments like these test my faith in the Gospel message. Do I really believe that God loves me irrevocably? Do I really believe that God still uses people who aren’t perfect? Do I really believe that God will carry on his good work in me until completion? Such theological truths are a lot easier to affirm when things are going as planned.
I have to believe days like these are a gift. They’re a gift because they call me to listen to God’s voice over my own fear and doubts. They’re a gift because they humble me, which I need a lot more often than I realize.They’re a gift to those I minister to and with because not only do they free me up from the feeling that I have to have everything together all the time, but my honest failures and mistakes free others up to be human, too.
But I’ll still believe though there’s cracks you’ll see,
When I’m on my knees I’ll still believe,
And when I’ve hit the ground, neither lost nor found,
If you’ll believe in me I’ll still believe
-Mumford & Sons, Holland Road