Just Frances T 
As I mentioned in the previous post, I’ve been eating a limited number of foods for the past 15 weeks. 15 weeks comes to just under four months, which means I haven’t been able to eat the food served at Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (or Christmas Eve), New Year’s Eve, or the Super Bowl. That list doesn’t even include regular meetings, parties, and meals with friends and family.
I’ve spent quite a bit of time looking for general principles of healthy eating to take from this season, so that I can continue on this journey. One thing I didn’t expect was to see how certain character traits that would be necessary. For instance, I had the revelation that I’d have to get comfortable with being the odd one out. Being left out is pretty much my worst nightmare, so you can imagine what it was like for me at times to be the only one without a heaping plate of delicious food. I need to be okay with it, even if it seems like no one else has been called to do what I’m called to do.
As I’ve continued my reading in Leviticus, I noticed this was exactly what God urged Israel to do:
1Then the Lord said to Moses, 2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. I am the Lord your God. 3 So do not act like the people in Egypt, where you used to live, or like the people of Canaan, where I am taking you. You must not imitate their way of life. 4 You must obey all my regulations and be careful to obey my decrees, for I am the Lord your God. 5 If you obey my decrees and my regulations, you will find life through them. I am the Lord. Leviticus 18:1-5
God gave Israel a whole slew of rules to follow that would make them stick out from the people around them. He told them, “I am the Lord YOUR God and you’re my people, so don’t do what everyone else is doing.” Following God would require taking a different path, but in verse 5 he gives an incredible reason why. “If you obey my decrees…you will find life…” Following is the path to life. In the end, all the trouble would be worth it. They would be people who were set apart for God’s purposes. They would be his people and he, their God.
The New Testament still calls God’s people to live lives that are markedly different from everyone else (1 Peter 1:16). This is exactly what God was calling me to do in getting healthier, but it can manifest itself in many ways: moving into a new area, breaking off a relationship, changing careers, taking a stand in front of friends, to name a few. No matter what it looks like, we are called to be his people first, no matter what the cost.
Alongside his challenge to live differently, I can hear God whispering words of comfort:
Even if you’re maligned, misunderstood, and alone
I am with you. Be mine.
When it feels like they’re against you,
I am for you. Be mine.
Even if it costs you everything,
I went ahead of you. Be mine.
Be mine and find life.
Last year, my church read a book together called Not A Fan, which called us to move beyond being a fan of Jesus to following him with our whole lives. I had my issues with the book; nevertheless, I took the message seriously and prayerfully considered what it meant for me to follow Jesus.
It ruined my life, in the best way possible.
First, as I mentioned several posts back, I felt like God was calling me to embrace the humble, behind-the-scenes life of being a mom. I stepped down from my ministry position. Second, as I’ve shared with very few people until today, Read More
Valentine’s Day gets me reminiscing about the early days of my relationship with my husband. There’s something special and wonderful about a new relationship, pregnant with possibilities and full of hope. For most people, that means tons of romance. For Matt and I, not so much. Our pastor quips at every wedding he does, “Dating brings out the best. Marriage brings out the rest.” At one wedding, Matt leaned over and said, “You just always got the rest with me.” Another time, I asked him whether he would ever two-time me. He had a classic response: “I can barely one-time you!” I share this with his full permission because it’s something we still laugh about together. Matt was completely head over heels in love with me, but had no idea how to show it. To put it simply, he had no game.
February also brings many New Year’s resolutions to read the Bible in its entirety to a screeching halt, as well-meaning people hit Leviticus. Genesis and Exodus are full of interesting stories about people we’ve heard of, many of whom have had big-budget films about their lives recently. Reading is easy…until you hit Leviticus. Leviticus reads like a long list of very specific rules, many of which don’t seem to apply to my life. Even the most eager reader gets drowsy poring over what seems like an endless list of laws.
In my personal Bible reading, I also have hit Leviticus. I, too, generally struggle with it, but this time I noticed something interesting. In reading specifics about sacrifice in chapter 4, there’s a repeated phrase, “Through this process, the priest will purify [the particular person/group], making them right with the Lord, and they will be forgiven” (v 20, 26, 31, 35). In reading this, it hit me that Leviticus is an unlikely love letter.
See, the Lord is laying out the specific things that people need to do in order to have a right relationship with him. He’s telling Israel, “Being connected to you is so important to me that I am going to painstakingly lay out the rules you must follow in order to remain my people. I don’t want you to have to worry that you’re messing up in different situations. I’m showing you the way back to me. All you have to do is take it.”
What my husband wouldn’t give for such a list! I think a lot of people would treasure knowing 1) exactly what would show love and honor to their loved ones and 2) that there was a way to be forgiven when they mess up.
I’m reminded once again that the God we read about in the Old Testament is the same God we read about in the New Testament. He still values his people so much that he has told us exactly how to reach him. Instead of giving us a map like in Leviticus, he’s also built the road through Jesus and given us the ability through the Holy Spirit. All we have to do is take it.
I’m thankful today for God continuing to show me who he is through his word, even in Leviticus.
[I found this post that I started and didn’t finish several months ago. I am finally getting around to finish it today, so that’s why the first part talks about being recently ordained]
A little over 24 hours ago, my church ordained me. I am officially a pastor now.
In many ways, I’ve been working towards this for about 10 years. It’s a monumental accomplishment. However, life doesn’t feel any different today than it did yesterday. My son woke up too early for my liking this morning. My husband went to work. I watched Let’s Make a Deal while cooking eggs for breakfast. I worked from home while the baby napped and went on a date with my husband like I do every Thursday. It was a good, but very typical day.
There was a point in my life when I was rarin’ to be ordained. I thought things would be dramatically different if I finally were a pastor. I thought I’d be doing exactly what I want to do ministry-wise and no door would be closed to me. I thought I’d be magically endowed with wisdom to deal with any challenge that would come my way. Over time, God has been reminding me over and over that it doesn’t work that way.
Three thoughts popped into my head today as I reflected on my ordination.
- No title can give you the authority inappropriate for your character and/or maturity. In the past when I was really itching to be ordained, I realize looking back that it’s a good thing that I wasn’t. I wanted the authority and power (I thought) the title would give me; however, I didn’t have the character to back it up. People will follow a title for a while, but they will quickly stop if the person isn’t a person of character. I’m very glad for the ways God has grown and shaped me the past several years because I need to say as a pastor, “Follow me as I follow Christ.”
- Not having a title can never take away the call given to you by God. In many ways, I feel the same as yesterday because God has revealed time and again that my calling comes from him. I wasn’t suddenly called to ministry when the pastors and elders laid hands on me last night. They were simply affirming what God has already done. One card I received last night said it perfectly, “I thought you already were a pastor!” The confidence that can only come from God’s calling has enabled me to continue ministering the past several years regardless of title. [It’s enabling me to continue ministering even now, since I stepped down to be a mom. My calling doesn’t change because of my title, it simply changes forms.]
- Ministry is a lifetime. Ordination was a beautiful experience, but it’s not the finish line. It was fun to see loved ones speak on my behalf and to celebrate with others that work God has done and is doing in my life. Life and ministry continue. God’s work through me will take many different forms over a lifetime, some public and some seemingly insignificant. I hope that I recognize his hand in every moment and enjoy the ride.
May 7, 2014
I’ve been reading through Genesis for the past few weeks. As I read the story of Jacob this time, I was struck by Leah’s part in the story. Jacob saw beautiful Rachel and fell for her. He worked for 7 years in order to marry her, “but his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days” (Genesis 29:20). All the ladies say, “Aww…”
The story takes a dramatic turn when Rachel’s father secretly substitutes her older, plainer sister, Leah, on their wedding night. Jacob is obviously distraught when he discovers that he’s been swindled, so his father-in-law offers to allow Jacob to marry Rachel, too, a week after Leah. The story tells us that Jacob loved Rachel much more than he loved Leah (Genesis 29:30).
When reading this story, I’ve always paid attention to Jacob and Laban. Jacob is a liar and cheater, so it seems he’s finally met his match in his father-in-law. But that leaves out the problem of Leah, the woman in the middle of it. Poor Leah, who knew she was second best, the unloved one.
The story only gets worse as Leah begins to have children and hopes each one will be a way to win Jacob’s affections. As her first three sons are born, she holds out hope that she will be loved. Each time, she chooses a name that reflects her hope that Jacob will finally notice her worth and love her. “Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!” (Genesis 29:34).
Of course, none of it works. From the outside looking in, you know it’s futile, but to her it seems like it just might work. If she just does the right thing, she’ll be good enough. She’ll finally be lovable.
When I thought of Leah’s story in those terms, it hit close to home. How many times have I tried to do just the right thing to be loveable? How often have I tried to change something about myself so I’ll be loved, noticed, respected? Countless times I’ve bent over backwards to meet someone’s expectations for me, but was left feeling tired and more alone, just like Leah. Whether or not I admit it out loud, my actions say, “My worth comes from the things I do.”
The beauty of Leah’s story is that someone else has an important part to play. It says, “When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children…” (Genesis 29:31). Even though Leah recognized that the Lord enabled her to have children, she failed to recognize that he did it out of compassion and love for her. He saw her as worthy from the beginning, whether or not anyone else did. In the end, she finally understood that someone saw her and loved her deeply.
Leah names her fourth son Judah (“praise”) because she finally understood how much God loved her. Even if Jacob would never love her, she had a far more valuable love.
Maybe you are in Leah’s shoes: feeling unloved and assuming doing the right thing will make you loveable. If that’s you, my prayer is that your eyes would be opened to God’s faithful love for you. I pray that you’d rest in his irrevocable love.
And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:18-19
Late last night, just before bed, I realized that I forgot to check my pedometer to see how many steps I walked yesterday. When I picked it up and pressed the button, it said “0.0.”I knew I walked more than 0 steps! It took me a second to realize that it was 12:04am, so everything I did registered as yesterday’s activity.
I’ve been reading Exodus lately and I noticed that just before the Hebrew people leave Egypt, God tells them, “From now on, this month will be the first month of the year for you” (Exodus 12:2). The Lord was restarting the clock for them. Their old life of slavery was over and a new life as God’s chosen people was beginning.
My experience with my pedometer reminded me of the fact that every day is a new beginning. I don’t have to carry around my past. One of my favorite verses says,
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.”Lamentations 3:22-23
No matter what happened yesterday, today is a different day. The struggles, temptations, and failures I had yesterday belong to yesterday. God’s forgiveness removes my sins as far as the East is from the West (Psalm 103:12). The mercy of a clean slate is new today.
The victories I want to drag forward from yesterday remain there. I want to wrap myself in what I did in the past instead of grabbing ahold of the fact that today is another day where God is working in my life. I can have all new joy and triumph in today because God is working in me, giving me the desire and the power to do what pleases him (Philippians 2:13). The mercy of being re-created in Jesus is new today.
The clock resets every day because of God’s mercy.
God, I pray that you would give me the courage to leave the past behind me. I pray that I would accept your forgiveness and let go of yesterday’s failures. Help me to embrace your work in my life so that I might celebrate new mercies every day. Amen.
Happy Monday!
I’ve started doing a SOAP journal [scripture, observation, application, prayer] for my Bible reading again. The past few months, I feel like I’ve grown tremendously through the practice. After today’s reading, I really wanted to share what I wrote.
When God first called Moses to lead His people and confront Pharaoh, his immediate response was self-doubt: “Who am I? What if they don’t listen? I can’t speak!” God gave Moses a right-hand man and Moses went…but it only made things worse for God’s people. So they cursed Moses. When God called Moses to speak to Pharaoh again, Moses said:
“But Lord!” Moses objected. “My own people won’t listen to me anymore. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen? I’m such a clumsy speaker! Exodus 6:12
There it is again, “I can’t.” Moses’ objections seem so silly in light of the fact that God is directly speaking to him. I imagine God thinking, “Really?” Moses goes on to speak to Pharaoh…and fails again. The Pharaoh is unmoved; God’s people remain in slavery. So it seems that Moses’ fears were correct. He really can’t speak. He really can’t get anyone to listen to him. Moses really does fail several times from a human perspective, but that doesn’t change the fact that God has called him to go to Pharaoh and speak on behalf of God’s people.
God has called me to be a parent. I don’t feel equipped. I don’t feel like the kind of person who would/should be a stay-at-home mom, but here I am. I feel like there are a million things I could do better as a parent on any given day and I wonder if God has chosen the wrong person for this role. He didn’t. I need to persist in what He’s called me to do even when human standards tell me I’m failing.
God, help me to embrace my calling. Even though I love my son more than I could express, I get distracted. I am not the mom that I think I should be. Help me to embrace & live in the reality that you’ve brought me to this place. Help me to see that you’re here. Even when all evidence points to the fact that my fears are right, give me the courage to keep going so that I may see you & your glorious plan. Amen.
I pray for you, too, that you would embrace your calling and keep going, even when you’re sure someone could do it better. May you see God work in and through you today.
Several years ago, I had the most amazing counselor. At first, I just wanted to see a therapist a few times to work on one particular issue and ended up going for three years. It truly changed my life, my faith, and my relationships for the better. She had keen insight and knew how to ask the most thought-provoking questions.
I can’t even remember the circumstances now, but I remember one day she asked me, “How do you know God loves you?” The question seemed so silly. I mean, I was in seminary, so I could spout off Bible verses and theology…and I did just that. She didn’t bite.
“What I mean is, when do you feel like God loves you?”
I remember grasping for an answer, searching and finding nothing. I mean, I knew God loved me, but I just couldn’t think of a real, visceral answer for when I felt loved. I felt exposed. I was exposed. Here in the middle of my tidy theology was a gap. After so many years of following Jesus, I should’ve known on more than just an intellectual level that God loved me.
Which brings me to my coffee mug. I was Christmas shopping for a friend last month, searching for just the right gift, when I came across a coffee mug in the clearance section of the store. I love coffee mugs, but the only thing about the mug that was my style was the price tag: 75% off. I put it down and continued poking around at the clearance items, but my eye was drawn to the ugly coffee mug. I picked it up again and looked on the inside: “In everything give thanks,” and “You are loved” written in one of my favorite typefaces. [I know that’s a completely graphic design nerd thing to say, but I can’t help but recognize typefaces everywhere.] The mug started to grow on me. I wondered whether my friend would like it, but noticed a chip on the lip and put it down again. I continued to browse for gifts, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about that mug. Finally, my husband offered to buy it for me and I agreed. In spite of all the things wrong with this mug, I loved it.
But it wasn’t until a few days later that I noticed the most remarkable thing about my new mug. As I sipped hot cocoa, I realized that the text faced me when I held the handle in my left hand! It was a left-handed mug. As a left-handed person, this literally made me laugh out loud. It felt like God was sending me a message that he loved me: left-handed, font-loving, good-deal-digging, coffee-mug collecting Frances. A coffee mug seems so silly, so superfluous, but here I was holding something in my hands that spoke volumes to me. “God sees you and loves you.”
After my counselor asked when I felt God’s love all those years ago, I started searching for moments when I did. I was caught off guard and delighted by many things: morning glories in bloom, the smell of pine outside my door as I mourned the lack of a Christmas tree indoors, perfectly timed words of encouragement from friends or in a sermon, Bible passages I’d never noticed that leapt off the page at me. Extravagant, everyday grace showed up all around me. Sometimes, I’d look around and wonder if anyone else was seeing what I did. Often they weren’t. It made such moments all the more special; they were mine alone. When I found one, I made a point of recognizing such moments, breathing a prayer of thanks, and storing up those moments in my heart.
If someone were to pose the question today that my counselor did so many years ago, my go-to would still be the Bible, but not for lack of an answer anymore. Instead, I’d start there because knowing God starts there. The more I got to know Him, the more I recognized His work in my life. The more I recognized His work, the more I understood His love.
My prayer for you as you read this is that you’d know God, recognize His work, and understand His love. I pray that it would encourage, strengthen, and comfort you.
You are loved.
My in-laws took Matt and me on a trip to a safari park just after Christmas in 2012. Though the animals were contained, we actually went into the different enclosures to see them, often just a few feet away!
One of the things that intrigued me were the giraffes. I had noticed that the barns the giraffes lived in looked worn around the top, as if they had been repeatedly rubbed. I honestly thought the animals had never gotten the hang of ducking when they went in and had bumped their heads so much that it wore a bare spot! When we came to a second barn with giraffes in it, I learned the real cause: one giraffe was standing in the doorway licking the wood, like in the picture.
I asked our guide what the heck was going on with the giraffes, “Are they eating bugs in the wood?” I wondered aloud. His response surprised me. It turns out that giraffes spend so much of their time foraging for food in the wild, that even when they are in captivity and given the exact amount of food they need on a regular basis, their tongues just can’t help but go on pretending like they are still foraging for food. Their tongues just itch to do what a giraffe’s tongue was made to do, even when it doesn’t make sense anymore!
The past few months, I’ve been part of a medical weight loss program. This means that I am on a strict, prescribed diet of shakes, soups, and bars and have regular medical tests to make sure that my body is adjusting well. Every day, I have the exact nutrition I need. I drink plenty of water. I have everything I require, yet I find myself fighting habits like taking a bite of my son’s chicken nuggets or licking the spoon when packing up leftover food. I’m finding that it’s not really hunger that drives a lot of my counterproductive behavior. It’s simply the way I’ve always done things.
I received a phone call from a friend trying to make sense of Romans 6 some months ago. He wondered what Paul was trying to communicate to the church about life in Christ. I remember translating that very passage from the original Greek in seminary and wondering myself what Paul meant.
“6 We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. 7 For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin.“
I understand that Jesus’ death and resurrection means Christians no longer face eternal death. I think I’ve always read the above passage in light of eternal truth. This passage makes me wrestle with life today, though. Later in Romans 6, Paul urges his readers to use their bodies to do what is right and to choose to obey God (verses 13 & 16, respectively). What if believing in Jesus means we don’t have to be mastered by the same habits for the rest of our lives? What if we really are new people, not just on the inside? What if new life begins today?
Well, that changes everything. It makes the habits I have a choice. It reveals all of my excuses as lame. Sin nature may stick to me like fresh sap, but I am cleansed and have the power of God at work within me every moment. So I am presented with the defining question, “What am I going to do in this moment?”
Every moment I can choose to be who I was, to live like I always have. It’s much easier that way, reflexive even, and there will be many moments I will choose that. But in this moment, I choose to do the hard work of presenting myself to God, asking for his help in changing me, and pressing on to take hold of the life for which God has taken hold of me (Philippians 3:12).
What are you going to do in this moment?
Graduations are the worst. They’re always too long, often outside in the blistering heat, and you’re really only there to cheer for a couple people, probably only one. Even at my own graduations, I wanted the speakers to speak less so I could get out of my stifling robe and uncomfortable shoes. Then there are the names…SO.MANY.NAMES. Everyone has their moment of walking across the stage, but all of those moments add up to a lot of time of shifting in your seat and politely clapping, dreaming about the tasty BBQ that will follow. To entertain myself, I make up backstories for the graduates, but really, I wonder, “Who are these people?”
Yesterday, I found myself wondering the same thing in my Bible reading. I’d come across one of the many genealogies peppered throughout the Bible, this time in Luke 3. When I come across a list of names in the Bible, I have to fight the urge to skim the list saying “TL;DR: these people were connected” because that’s usually all it is to me, a random list of names.
For whatever reason, this time I took the time to read each name. The ones that were complicated, I sounded out and said out loud. I discovered a couple names I recognized from the Bible study my husband led last year (Zerubbabel and Shealtiel). One name even reminded me of a friend’s email address (random coincidence). Even after reading the list slowly and carefully, I didn’t walk away feeling any awe or insight from what I had just read. The Bible says all scripture is God-breathed and useful, but surely this wasn’t what Paul was thinking, right?
Later that night, I had two realizations. First, these genealogies meant something to the original audience. Just like we love to hear and tell stories that reveal who our loved ones were before we knew them, these genealogies represent ancestors and a deep familial connection. The original listeners would have recognized more names than I do because they heard the stories of these people over and over. The connections would make sense and reveal something about the work God did to bring the world to that particular point.
The second thing I realized is that I hope one day my name will also be written on such a list. When all things are made new and the Lamb’s Book of Life is complete, the names of all those who believed in Jesus will be written and there will be rejoicing. This won’t be polite clapping for strangers, but a joyful celebration of my family adopted and unified through Jesus. I won’t be making up backstories. I’ll know that every story is a person who was lost and broken, then made cleansed and made whole through Jesus.
When I come across a long list of names in the Bible, I may not know who they are, but God does. These are people he knows, loves, and has made a part of his plan. May the same be said of my life.
Frances
Just Frances T 